Playing with Candles

by Thomas de Saavedra

            What up nerds. Have you ever wondered why there are so many candles in your dad’s dresser drawer? I’ll explain later, but the first thing you need to know is those candles are probably made of paraffin wax. If so, your father may be in danger, so listen up it’s time to save a life.

Paraffin is a petroleum-based hydrocarbon (an organic compound made only of hydrogen and carbon atoms) that looks a cloudy white and melts with ease at 50°C.^[1] It is used in a staggering number of things, including floor polish, wax paper, varnishes, cosmetics, electric insulation, fire starters, and your dad’s candles.^{[1][2][3][4][5][6]} It is considered relatively hazardous (a 2/3 in Sax’s Dangerous Properties of Industrial Materials) but will not do much if applied to the skin or eyeball in its solid form, maybe just a slight irritation^[2] - please do not wipe a candle on your eyeball to confirm this. No, it is in its gaseous form that paraffin wreaks havoc.

As a by-product of the oil industry it is full of some pretty rancid chemicals that cause cancer,^[5] but curiously enough does not tend to do so itself, likely because few people spend their days huffing candle fumes. That said, paraffin gas is not only carcinogenic but quite flammable,^[2][6] something I can prove it to you with a simple experiment, actually. Go grab a candle and:

 

Images retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hG7Mbkj2AQ

 1. Light it            2. Blow it out       3. Apply flame to smoke     4. Get hype

This happens because that smoke trail is made of vaporized wax; the flame travels down the trail of smoke right back onto the wick. Yeah science! You can do this with any type of candle, but soy wax should really be your go to. See, being made from soy beans instead of petroleum by-products means soy wax doesn’t cause cancer.^[5] You can literally keep your folks safer by replacing their candle stocks with soy-based products. Go forth and enrichen their lives, child.

Oh, and the candles are for sex.^[4]

References

¹Paraffin. (2013). In O’Neil, M.J. (Ed.) The Merck Index (15^th ed., pp. 1304-1305). Whitehouse Station, NJ: RSCPublishing

²Lewis, R. (2004). Paraffin. In Sax’s Dangerous Properties of Industrial Materials (11^th ed., Vol. 3, pp. 2818). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons Inc

³Bloye, A. (n.d.). Harmful Cosmetic Ingredients. Retrieved from http://www.canadianfamily.ca/parents/beauty/cosmetic-culprits/

⁴Pete, P. (2015). Wax Play Beginner’s Guide. Retrieved from https://www.sextalkabout.com/wax-play/

⁵Dolen. (2005). Why paraffin and mineral oil are so bad. Retrieved from http://www.soyspabath.com/paraffindips.htm

⁶Dragon’s Camping Corner. (n.d.). Fire Starters. Retrieved from http://dragon.sleepdeprived.ca/camping/camping_14.htm